What I gave up

I gave up so much by pushing you away.  I took it all for granted


I gave up smiling every time you texted me.
I gave up talking to you and seeing you smile at lunch
I gave up having a shoulder to cry on when people are mean to me.
I gave up having someone to listen
I gave up having someone to text any time of day, and getting an answer
I gave up having someone rooting for me, in my corner
I gave up laughing with you
I gave up listening to your stories and helping
I gave up a huge part of my life
I gave up the best support system I ever had.


You are an amazing person.  I have never met anyone like you.  It was so easy to talk to you, to be honest and myself with you.  I have never been like that with anyone.  I took it all for granted.  You are a special angel, and you were my guardian angel, watching out for me supporting me and being there no matter what.  Whenever I would allow it you would go out of your way to make me more comfortable.  You offered to bring me dinner every single day I was sick.  You offered to come and sit with me while I got chemo as well as when I went in for surgery. 


I am so sorry.  I deserve whatever comes my way for what I did to you.  I cannot be as strong as I am when I am with you.  I don't want to be ignored by you.  I don't want to push you away.  it hurts.  I don't know what to do to make it better.  It's not like a broken arm that would heal.  But I am so sorry.  I swear I am.  I swear