If I could change the obvious

I would do so many things. 
If I found a genie in a bottle and I had three wishes I would wish for:
1. that I learn how to communicate with you instead of pushing you away.
2. that if you do allow me back in your life, you do not throw all of the things I have done to you in my face.  When I think of what I have done to you, I hurt, I am embarrassed and I cringe.  I would have felt beat down and useless.  this is so not fair to you, but I can't live without you.
3. that we are friends forever, old and sitting down having a beer laughing at our lives and all that we have been through.  Crazy jess days.


I want the crazy jess days to disappear.
forever

Again????

I was mean, I went over board then ran away because I didn't want to accept the consequences for my behavior. 
Dumb